Cardi B attends Huncho reality ‘The Album release Experience’ on October 12, 2018 in Los Angeles, California.
Photo: Prince Williams (FilmMagic)

So here’s a hot take I wasn’t expecting to have, but bear with me, because this could be fun (that is, if social media editor Corey Townsend doesn’t kill me first for messing with his childhood obsession).


But just for shits and giggles (because it’s Tuesday afternoon, and do you have something better going on?), and since we’ve already imagined her playing Fran Drescher’s fictional daughter, let’s consider an alternate universe in which Cardi B becomes a Disney heroine (c’mon, do it for the Kulture), supported by the following evidence:

Exhibit A: When Cardi B debuted red hair last week for her 26th birthday on Oct. 11, we just shrugged. After all, we know the woman’s wig game is strong. Then (Exhibit B), when we saw her shimmering bandeau and slit up-to-there skirt ensemble at Quavo’s release party a day later, we raised an eyebrow, but kept it moving, because hey, the lady has never shied away from showing a little skin. (Plus, if you can’t do it when you’re 26, when can you?)

Cardi ditched the red hair the day after, but a funny thing happened on the interwebs yesterday (call it Exhibit C) that got us thinking: What would the upcoming Little Mermaid live-action remake look like with Cardi B in the title role (also known as Ariel, the mermaid)?


I mean, come on ...

Screenshot: The Little Mermaid (Disney)

You’re really going to act like you can’t see this?

(L) Cardi B; Ariel, The Little Mermaid
Photo: Prince Williams (FilmMagic), Screenshot: Disney

Zendaya has been all but confirmed as the probable Ariel for the reboot (and admittedly, we’re with it), and Lady Gaga’s name has been floated (see what I did there?) as her nemesis, Ursula (we’re lukewarm on that—and can think of at least one better option). But let’s imagine, for a moment, what the reboot would look like with a regular, shmegular, degular mermaid in the role?

First of all, we have a feeling the plot would be turned entirely on its head, because what man would Cardi feel it was worth giving up her highly recognizable voice for? (No shade to Offset.) That said, that alone might make her the perfect Ariel for our time. Watch out, Prince Eric.


Matter of fact, legs or not, we’re pretty sure she’d know who should really have the leg up in the situation.


But let’s say she did fall for the prince, and Ursula, not content with simply possessing Cardi’s iconic voice, came for Prince Eric, as well?


After all, remember:


Because as hard as it is to imagine Cardi giving up her voice for anyone, what we know for sure is that Ursula had better watch her back for the rest of time. (How long are fish years, anyway?)


C’mon, you know you’d watch this. After all, it’s a Tuesday afternoon. Do you have something better going on?

Maiysha Kai is Managing Editor of The Glow Up and your average Grammy-nominated goddess next door. Minneapolis born, Chicago bred, New York built. Nuance is her superpower.

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