Laugh Now, Buy Later: Drake Is Releasing a Candle That Smells Like, Well...Drake

Illustration for article titled Laugh Now, Buy Later: Drake Is Releasing a Candle That Smells Like, Well...Drake
Photo: Cole Burston (Getty Images)

In news that should arguably surprise no one, rapper Drake has apparently released his own candle line, aptly entitled Better World Fragrance House.

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InStyle has obtained new details on the Certified Lover Boy’s newest venture and y’all, if this ain’t the most on-brand thing Drake’s done, I don’t know what is. The candle line (there are five of them, by the way) boasts both unique names and smells but one of them is sure to stand out: Carby Musk. This particular fragrance touts “a smooth musk that’s an interpretation of your beautiful self, yet extrovertive as how you would want others to see your bold and brilliant self.” (I’m sorry, is this a product description or a pickup line? You know what? Nevermind. Knowing Drake, it’s probably both.) It also reportedly features hints of musk, amber, cashmere, suede and velvet and apparently, smells exactly like Mr. More Life himself. At this point, I honestly don’t know whether to be in my feelings or hit the Toosie Slide. Peep the rest of the descriptions for ‘Sweeter Tings,’ ‘Williamsburg Sleepover,’ ‘Good Thoughts,’ and ‘Muskoka’ here:

Sweeter Tings: An addictive and nostalgic Oriental Gourmand fragrance with the subtleties of comfort and goodness.

Williamsburg Sleepover: A genderless and luminous floral-woody musk fragrance that captures the essence of an urban garden under shaded lights.

Good Thoughts: A bouquet of rich florals surrounded by a vibrant bright light of freshness for a captivating positive energy.

Muskoka: “Oriental Woody fragrance that emulates the smoldering warmth of burning woods, golden embers, and the feeling of being cozy by the fire.

OK, ok. I’m not laughing, you are. Earlier this year, Drake seemingly teased at the future release by reposting an image of the blue and gold candles in a June Instagram story. But the real story I want to talk about here is the timing. This news drops less than 24 hours after rumors swirled about his ex-lover Rihanna potentially being courted by A$AP Rocky. And as The Root’s resident Drake stan, I find all of this very compelling (read: hilarious) and have several hard-hitting questions: How does one go from running with woes through the six to slow-burning soy candle wicks? Why isn’t there a maple-scented, cuffing season-approved candle called ‘Views’ that smells like backwoods, white wine, bad decisions and left-on-read messages? And why on Earth is there not an entire, pandemic-proof marketing rollout that features a virtual Marvin’s Room where folks can learn all about these new products while crying into a diary? What’s not clicking?

Unfortunately for both you and me, we probably won’t get the answers we’re looking for, just like we won’t be able to get any of the five candles—because they’re all sold out. So until they restock, I guess we’ll have to settle for him dropping bars about the elusive aromas in his next album or Instagram post. I can see the caption now: You leaving me for A$AP was something I couldn’t handle. So what else is there left for me to do now but sip Henny & light this candle?

Drake, if you’re reading this and you take this line—it’s not too late to send me my marketing royalties in advance. Thanks.

DISCUSSION

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Who wants have their living space smelling like a man with questionable relationships with young teenage girls, has a tattoo of a bottle of Drakkar Noir, dead celebrities, random alive celebrities, and dead family members, and makes fun of a fellow rapper with mental health issues? I bet it smells like Cool Water and Love’s Baby Soft.