The Holidays Are Coming, So Naturally, Rihanna Wants All Our Money

Rihanna attends Rihanna’s 5th Annual Diamond Ball at Cipriani Wall Street on September 12, 2019 in New York City.
Rihanna attends Rihanna’s 5th Annual Diamond Ball at Cipriani Wall Street on September 12, 2019 in New York City.
Photo: Steven Ferdman (Getty Images)

As I write this, snow is (prematurely) falling upon Chicago, a pointed reminder that tomorrow, Nov. 1, kicks off the holiday season (in other words, cue the gift guides). And since it’s now the season of spending, it should come as no surprise that Rihanna expects us bitches to have her money, as evidenced by the array of offerings her branded lines are debuting this season.

Case in point: not at all coincidentally, my personal wishlist has, as of today, expanded to include a pendant from Fenty Maison’s new jewelry line, which “celebrates new standards of beauty through ancient craft of cameo jewelry.” In other words, come get this iconic African beauty immortalized in classic costume jewelry for the low, low price of “if you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it.”


Of course, if we’re talking iconic beauty, there’s Rihanna’s new coffee table book, which is apparently large enough to double as an actual designer garment, as recently demonstrated by the icon herself. We stan a pop-cultural moment-turned-fashion statement—plus, it’s good to know we can wear the book since we clearly won’t be able to afford clothes after buying all of Rihanna’s other goods.

More affordable is Savage x Fenty—that is, if you’re into the subscription model. If so, the lingerie brand is apparently offering three VIP boxes curated by Rih’s personal stylist and style director of Fenty Maison, Jahleel Weaver. Frankly, I’ve never been logo-addicted enough to wear stockings spelling “Savage x Fenty” down my legs, but if there’s an off-chance of looking as delectable as Rihanna in her promo photos, I might reconsider.


But for those of us on a tighter, non-subscription-ready budget, let’s take a look at Fenty Beauty. The groundbreaking brand has apparently found a way to make us look expensive with their newest iterations of Diamond Bomb and Liquid Diamond Bomb, so we can all, well...shine bright like a diamond. (C’mon, you knew that was coming.)


Is Rihanna staging a conspiracy to take all our money? We won’t go that far, but it may be a small Rih-volution—a holiday coup if you will. We may not be able to afford rent once Rih is done with us, but at least we’ll have found love in a hopeless place, right?

Maiysha Kai is Managing Editor of The Glow Up, co-host of The Root Presents: It's Lit! podcast, and your average Grammy-nominated goddess next door...May I borrow some sugar?

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I’ll forego copying/pasting all the pics in this article.

Rihanna simply does not take any bad pictures, correct?