Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attends day twelve of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships on July 14, 2018 in London, England.
Photo: Clive Mason (Getty Images)

Can someone just banish Thomas Markle to the Tower of London, already?

The world’s thirstiest father is apparently planning to further demonstrate his commitment to remaining parched, now teasing a possible men’s fashion line via (who else?) his predatory publicist even more dehydrated daughter, Samantha.

According to Page Six, Meghan Markle’s perpetually shit-talking older half-sister took to her private Twitter account on Wednesday to express her excitement over her father’s upcoming clothing line for men.

Screenshot: Twitter (Page Six)

I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous: the idea of Thomas Markle now trying to brand himself a style connoisseur or that some company may be willing to back him in this absurd effort. I mean, have we ever even seen the man do anything remotely style-related, besides being fake-fitted for a tuxedo he never wore to his youngest daughter’s royal wedding (that he now claims not to have even been invited to) in those messy pre-wedding paparazzi photos—coincidentally also staged by Sociopath Samantha?

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And who exactly do the Markles think will be in the market for this desperate money-grab of sartorial splendor? Is there a Wedding Crashers section at Men’s Wearhouse that we’re unaware of?

Bottom line: Discontent with their boring, broke, humdrum little lives, this family of hanger-ons—who clearly have never heard the old adage that when it comes to royalty, closed mouths do get fed—are going to attempt to ride Meghan’s 16-foot wedding veil to their own good fortune.

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Gross. Doria would never.

But clearly, the other side of the duchess’ family is unrepentant, as Samantha Markle, who is rumored to be joining the cast of Celebrity Big Brother U.K. made clear in an interview with Good Morning Britain in July:

Let’s face it—we all have to survive. Money makes the world go round, so if you want to call that cashing in, that’s fine, but I think no one in media would refuse a paycheck for talking about the royals and, as a family, we’re not subject to royal protocol ... With all due respect, it’s not just Meghan. We’re entitled to share that.

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Yeah, you’re entitled, alright. Stay thirsty, my friends.